i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
