So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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