Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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