turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
