forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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