A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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