If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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