Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
