when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
