I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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