girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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