it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
MIDGETS
????
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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