Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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