How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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