I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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