His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
