I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
