so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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