im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize