My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
