seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
