Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
