farters have to be the big spoon...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
