I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
