nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
