I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
