I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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