We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
