sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
