Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
