Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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