Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
