hotel room ftw
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
