I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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