as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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