Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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