the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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