Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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