i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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