Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
