My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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