My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
