i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
