I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
