thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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