May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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