Kiss
Puke
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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