Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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