Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
