Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
