I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
