drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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