Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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