grandma shit on top of the toilet
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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