so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
